Family Law In Alabama

HOW TO SURVIVE A DIVORCE

Divorce may well be one of the more traumatic experiences you will ever know. It's important to realize that COMMON SENSE and a spirit of COOPERATION can be the two key ingredients in reducing the stress and anger so often associated with this trying time in your life. Only one person will benefit from your conflict and bitterness - your attorney, in the form of the higher fees he will be forced to charge to resolve your difficulties. So, take a deep breath, speak calmly to one another, and try to work out your differences BEFORE consulting your lawyer. I guarantee that you'll be better off in the long run, both emotionally and in terms of the lower legal fees that will result.

Property Division

One of the most hotly contested issues in many divorces is the property settlement. Issues about "who gets what" can prolong a case indefinitely, resulting in abysmally high legal fees and irreparably damaged feelings. However much you may feel you have been injured, you should know that in the vast majority of cases, a Court will not take "fault" into account when determining a property settlement. These days, most divorces are filed on the basis of mutual incompatibility, so fault does not even enter into the equation. What the Court does look at is EQUITY - that is, what would be fair and reasonable in a given situation.

For example, a wife in a 25-year marriage who had never worked outside the home could reasonably request alimony. However, if that wife had worked throughout the marriage at a well-paying job, or if the marriage had been of a much shorter duration, then alimony would not be considered reasonable in the majority of cases. Nor should an "injured" party feel that he or she has an absolute right to full ownership of the house, the cars, the furniture, the pets, the investment account, etc. - in short, taking your spouse "to the cleaners" is a long and expensive process, rarely resulting in success.

It is strongly recommended that a divorcing couple sit down and calmly discuss their financial situation prior to meeting with a lawyer. Whenever a contested item arises, always ask yourself, "What is the fairest thing to do in this situation?" Many couples make the unfortunate mistake of insisting upon ownership of certain items simply out of spite or wounded feelings. Don't let this happen to you. In the end you will both pay the price for that stubbornness. If the bone of contention involves smaller items (such as household goods and furniture), then one way of avoiding conflict is simply to make a list of all items in dispute and take turns picking what you want, irrespective of value (after all, you may find a $10.00 item with sentimental value of more worth to you than the most expensive piece of furniture which your spouse may pick). However, if you can't come to terms about the more valuable property in dispute, such as the house, IRA, etc., then the Judge, or a mediator, will have to make that determination for you. So, ask yourself, "Who knows the situation better - a Judge who has never met us before in his life, or my spouse and I?" If you answer that question honestly, you will have taken the first step in working out your difficulties with less expense and frustration.

Your First Priority - The Children

What should always be in the forefront of your thoughts is the well-being of your children. Never forget that they are the most innocent victims of a divorce. After all, although you and your spouse have (to whatever degree) chosen to end your marriage and get on with your lives, your children never had a say in the break-up of their family life. And, make no mistake, you ARE breaking up more than just your own marriage - every aspect of your children's lives will be changed, and usually not for the better. If you keep their welfare clearly in mind, they can come out of this process without the scars associated with a bitter and contentious divorce.

• DON'T say negative things about your spouse in front of the children - that person is still their parent. Always remember that two can play at that game - and do you really want your children hearing all the private details of your married life?
• DON'T force the children to choose between the two of you. It is heartbreaking when children are taught that loving one parent means rejecting the other.
• DON'T use the children as "messengers" between their parents. If you can't be adult enough to talk to your spouse directly, then find some means of communication other than through the children. No child should ever have to ask a parent, "Daddy (or Mommy) - when are you going to send the child support check?"
• DON'T limit your spouse's contact with the children - they need constant contact with both parents in order to grow into secure and confident adults. Most especially, don't turn one parent into a "holiday" parent - seeing the children only on occasional weekends or holidays. As most people know from their own lives, many of the best memories of childhood come not from the trips to Disneyland or the beach, but from the ordinary, day-to-day activities of just being together.
• DON'T use your children as weapons against your spouse in the divorce - that weapon could blow up in your face - to your everlasting regret.
• If you are the one paying child support, DON'T assume that the children's needs can always be completely met by that court-ordered amount. Of course your spouse has a similar obligation to support his/her children. However, children are expensive creatures and emergencies crop up all the time. Your inflexibility regarding finances can really damage a child's trust in you. After all, do you really want your children to know that you value them so little?

In essence, do your utmost to ensure that your children always feel loved, wanted, protected, and respected by BOTH parents. At a time when they may feel their whole world is crashing down on them, this is crucial.

In Summary

Whatever you do, keep in mind that you are the same two people who once loved each other enough to share every aspect of your lives together. Most especially, if you have children, never forget that your spouse will always be a major part of your children's lives. If you can put aside your differences long enough to remember this, then I predict that you'll make it through with both friendship and dignity intact.

HOW TO REDUCE YOUR ATTORNEY'S BILL

An attorney's fees are determined in one of three ways:

1. On a per-hour basis, with each piece of work, each phone call, each letter, each hour of court time being billed separately.
2. On a fixed-fee basis, with the entire case being handled for one set fee.
3. On a contingency basis, with the attorney taking his or her fees out of any award won by the client.

In a contingency case, of course, the fees take care of themselves. In a fixed-fee situation, you will pay the same no matter what. However, there are ways in which you can greatly reduce the amount of your final bill when you are being charged on a per-hour basis.

• Be prepared. When you first meet with your attorney, bring with you everything you feel you might need to get the case started. Most importantly, try to determine ahead of time exactly what it is you hope to get out of your case. If you provide your lawyer with a complete package, he will spend far less billable time trying to determine exactly what it is that you want and what information he requires from you to achieve that goal.
• Be concise. When meeting with your attorney, or talking with him on the phone, try to stick to the point. When the conversation moves into irrelevant areas, you must remember that you are still paying for that time.
• Consolidate. Don't call your attorney every time you have a question or a concern, unless it is of overwhelming importance. Wait until you have several questions or comments and present them to him at the same time.
• Put it in writing. It is easier to stay on track and present your ideas effectively in a letter than it is over the phone. Plus you have the added advantage of having a permanent record of your concerns with less likelihood of a misunderstanding occurring.
• Be patient. In any legal case, there are long periods of waiting time, such as when you are awaiting a hearing date or a signed divorce decree from the judge. Ask your attorney up-front how long certain things should take. Once you have that information, be patient. Constant calls to your attorney to check on the status of that item will only increase your bill. You may be certain that the moment your attorney receives the information, the signed decree, or whatever else you are awaiting, you will be immediately notified. Of course, if the waiting period seems to be unusually long, it is certainly reasonable to make a quick call to see what's happening.
• Consider your options carefully. Many clients feel that an attorney is not doing his job unless a veritable blizzard of motions and petitions and notices are being filed. Before asking your attorney to prepare any pleading, consider whether it is really necessary - ask yourself what you are likely to gain from that action. And always keep in mind that you are being billed for that action - so think carefully.
• Take on some of the work yourself. Each thing that you do on your own behalf is one less thing that your attorney will have to do - and bill for. For example, when you bring in a pile of documents, it makes good sense to have them well-organized, perhaps even providing an index. That way your attorney will not have to spend valuable time trying to organize them himself. When your attorney requests certain information from you, try to provide it as soon as possible --that way, there will be fewer follow-up calls and reminder letters. If you communicate in writing to your attorney, type the document rather than handwriting it - trying to decipher a handwritten document can really increase the amount of time your lawyer must spend on it. If documents or evidence must be picked up from a distant location, offer to pick the items up yourself if possible. For an attorney, travel time is also billable time.
• Be realistic. Some items are simply not worth fighting over, especially when it's "a matter of principle". You may find winning a point comes at a very high price.
• Be reasonable. Never let the emotion of the moment blind you to the essential fairness of your actions. While you should always make sure that the other party is not taking unfair advantage, keep in mind that the more honest you are in dealing with the situation the more likely it is that the other party will be the same. Trying to "take them to the cleaners" will almost always result in a whopper of a legal bill.
• Avoid trial whenever possible. Taking a case to trial always involves great expense, both financially and emotionally. Always try to work things out without taking that final step. Remember, one way or another, an agreement WILL be reached in your case - if you don't come to a decision by yourselves, I guarantee the judge will do it for you.