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Dissolution of Marriage

This article was edited and reviewed by FindLaw Attorney Writers | Last reviewed July 23, 2018

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Dissolution of Marriage Standards of Conduct
  1. Each spouse and their attorneys have the absolute obligation to act properly, regardless of the behavior of the other. Do not stoop to the other's level.
  2. No matter how weird, the other side can justify their actions to themselves.
  3. All disagreements come down to giving in or giving up. If you insist on being stubborn or in always being right, or in demanding your own way, your conflict will never end.
  4. Arguments are usually caused by fear.
  5. To overcome fear, you must show courage. To show courage, you must temporarily give in - surrender pride, stubbornness, vindictiveness, and contentiousness or desire for revenge.
  6. I will expect you to show courage, respect, and rational behavior. Be willing to be open-minded.
  7. Punishment is likely to make unwanted behavior continue.
  8. You should stop punishing your spouse because you will feel better about yourself, you will look better, you will show goodwill, you will generate goodwill, and tension will be lowered. A life well lived is the best revenge.
  9. Usually there is some right on both sides.
  10. It is respectful to try to satisfy your spouse's wishes if they are reasonable and possible.
  11. Don't tell your spouse of your good will, show it. Actions speak louder than words. Kindness and understanding can repair anger and hurt.
  12. Emphasizing your spouse's defects won't undo them. Catch your spouse doing something right.
  13. A productive divorce is a function of mutual cooperation or reciprocity. Equals treat each other fairly and with justice. They expect the same treatment in return. If you are unfair to your spouse, mistreat, or look down on him or her, you are not treating him or her as an equal. This will only lead to conflict. The following is a brief list of ways to make people feel unequal:

    1. Criticize them.
    2. Compare then unfavorably.
    3. Ridicule them.
    4. Act superior or arrogant.
    5. Ignore them.
    6. Fault-find.
  14. Do you have to be right, do you have to prove your correctness, do you have to have your own way, and do you have to win? If so, you may the pleasures of your short-gained victories at the expense of totally unsatisfactory long-term results.
  15. Finally, if I suggest therapy, please do yourself a favor and follow my advice.
  16. I expect every case can be settled. If you want to fight and punish your spouse, do not hire me.
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